Let me name the cat, please

          I was thinking about pet names the other day while listening to @stormewarren’s radio show on Sirius XM. Rea-lynn was on, talking about the time her dog got lost. The dog’s name is “Dolly” and got lost in Pigeon Forge, Tennesee. Sounds like a case of Homeward Bound to me. Dollywood or BUST! (Or in the case of Mrs. Parton, BOTH!) The dog was lost and outdoors for 3 whole days!!! Can you imagine??? An ANIMAL having to be OUTSIDE for three days???? That is positively barbaric.

          A couple of years ago we went to the Christmas tree farm for our Christmas tree and came home with a tree and a kitten. Total bonus Christmas cat. The fluffy feline was a “barn cat” at the farm and needed a home for Christmas. We provided, because we are good and kind people with halos. The kids had been begging for ANOTHER animal since last year, and the tiny kitty face was a very good tool of manipulation. In the end, we named her Macy because we brought her home on Thanksgiving Day and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade was on. This was my idea of sub-par naming, but I lost the naming consensus.
Kitten’s adorable fur was brown on brown and she already had an eye infection causing her left eye to be sealed shut. For this reason, I proposed the name “Fetty Wap.” And also because I thought it would be amazing if the cat ever were to get loose. We could run through the neighborhood with flashlights screaming “Fetty Wap! Fetty Wap!”

              That idea got labeled “lame” and “try hard” rather quickly by all 3 kids. So I decided that I’d go with a classic name that I’d been yearning to name a child/pet for ages. Barbara Streisand. Barbara Streisand is a classy, timeless name for a cat, and we’d only be permitted to use her full name at all times. For example, “ Barbara Streisand! Din Dins!” Or, “Wow, someone really needs to change Barbara Streisand’s litter.” See! Her iconic name even makes the most menial and dare-I-say; nastAY of chores seem like something to sing about.
This name also got deemed “so basic” due to a lack of understanding by my offspring of exactly how much Mrs. Streisand has contributed to the art form of music. Uncultivated Philistines. Of course, this led to them being forcefully subjected to multiple listenings of “People,” “The Way We Were”, and “Tell Him,”- the stunning duet with Celine Dion, who they also have no appreciation for. ( GEEZ what is WRONG with you people???!!!!)

Kids these days- I am trying too hard when I want Fetty Wap and not trying hard enough when I want Barbara Streisand. This is the future, and we can not satisfy them with being edgy OR traditional. Sounds like some sort of weird religious organization’s metric:

“How do we satisfy this new generation? Fetty Wap? No- that’s trying to hard, and there is a lot of language we’d have to edit. Barbara Streisand? Definitely a classic with potential to appeal to a broader audience. But rather basic, and too old for the young ones to really appreciate. Ok, what about Macy? Easily remembered, and also is a department store (something for everyone), as well as a parade (lots of giant characters filled with hot air), and you think of it with nostalgia around the holidays.” Macy it is.
We’re now the proud owners of a cat with a pedestrian name.

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