This is Becca. She is my bff. We met in college, over 20 years ago, and became close, indeed, but besties is not a title we came to easily. It took over a decade. She is stronger than anyone will know- because she is intensely private and there are things only some will ever know about her. She has set aside bragging rights on goddess-like qualities in order to live honorably and humbly.
We are Best friends because we found ourselves in life circumstances so similar and so difficult that only someone that KNOWS can share. We were forced into the foxhole at the same time and had to teach each other how to use our weapons and lay low. While we were there, we experienced something that is rare these days. And it is the reason why we are already planning our adjoining rooms in the spa-retirement home in Arizona, HOPEFULLY down the hall from John Mayer ( we will tell our husbands about their accommodations eventually).
This is the reason :
Total acceptance and value with someone who DOESNT AGREE WITH YOU on everything, and doesn’t even BELIEVE the same things as you do about many things. Including faith and love and family and humanity and God and even food, (she eats COWS, and drinks their milk…regularly…and even ordered steak across the table from me at dinner as I scraped the melted cheese off of my fried green tomatoes). There are many many things that we could get into heated arguments about if we wanted to. But we don’t. We can’t afford to. We need each other and we have to protect each other. We have chosen instead to give each other dignity and the right to use our brilliant minds to make decisions that we believe are best for us and our families. We have to know that when we send the “SOS” text that there will be no judgement or shaming or trying to find what to blame.
Not only this- but we look out for each other’s interests. Like- she goes out of her way to accommodate me on things we DON’T agree on. If I’m coming over to her house, she has non-dairy creamer for coffee. And there are topics of conversation I’d love to explore over that coffee but I will not suggest them- she needs to feel safe with me. I can text her with a problem I’m having as a result of acting like a 6th grader. But she won’t say, “What are you in the 6th grade!!!??” She will say “Yep-that wasn’t the best decision…” and then HELP me. And she can tell me all the crap that’s driving her nuts and know that it won’t affect my opinion about anyone one bit.
There is another aspect of this, I believe. It is creativity, or artistry. Becca is a gifted artist, and I think this could be why she possesses a rare quality that only a creator can…a love of creation so INCLUSIVE, and so forgiving, that she sees the Beauty in everything.
Is this possible on a broader scale? Can we love people who we disagree with? Can we listen to their thoughts and opinions without thinking about how to talk them out of it or convince them of something? Can we value people who don’t align with our stance? Are they still WORTH our time? Yes. Because they reflect beauty that mirrors all of creation. Humanity, the crown of creative expression, is something to be prized and treasured more than any other art. There is nothing we can create, design, dream, invent, or form that will ever be as unique as a human. So let’s appreciate the human art that is all around us. Let’s not be “art critics,” – assessing and evaluating other art like a Raoul Dufy painting facing off at a Picasso.