Live

 

  After the recent Headlines involving high profile deaths by suicide, a profound troubling came over me. I wondered if it could be a deep darkness covering humanity. To be sure, when we feel sorrowful or overwhelmed, it’s not only us.  I believe we are deeply connected to all of humankind and our common spirit can feel the pain, and joy of others. I’ve experienced this at Football and Basketball games when the crowd is roaring encouragement, and on an even higher level at soccer games (because of the SINGING!!!).   In my opinion, there’s nothing like the human connection acquired through a song. A LIVE song.  

For instance, when we watch the Liverpool game at the pub and everyone’s singing “You’ll never Walk Alone” at the top of their lungs…its a feeling.  But when you are at a Liverpool game joining your voice with other humans in common passionate expression- it is- to quote Boston… “MORE Than a Feeling.”  This is a LIVE experience.  When you listen to Joe Bonamassa sing Mountain Climbing in your headphones while you vacuum, it’s a definite feeling.  Certainly motivational.  But when you are stageside with that giant black speaker booming in your face, I dare you not to experience emotion, not because you’re sad, but because it’s LIVE.

And as an artist who has been gifted with the opportunity to hold the mic and hear her own voice through that giant speaker- that feeling of joining with others that KNOW THE WORDS sung from your heart and sing along with you is heaven. LIVE.

Now, because of my personality -which lends me to being creative and artistic, I also know of the struggle to fight melancholy funk. It seems the most uncanny and unrelated circumstances can swiftly send me to the edge of the precipice.  I know the thoughts.  “Maybe if I just open the door and jump out right now…” And whenever I TELL my people who are designated to hear these thoughts when I have them-they usually say “Oh yeah- I’ve had that too…”  And just bringing the thought into the light is usually enough to push back the dark.  Opening further still, telling how I got there, and hearing that ALL OF US get there, slowly pulls us back. 

  One of my DL’s (Designated Lifeline) recently lost her one and only love of almost 40 years to a sudden heart attack. She sent me a SONG to listen to. She listens to it every morning to urge herself to move through another day. And if the Lyrics don’t say…”LIVE- Keep Going”…then I don’t know what does.  The song is Nexus, by Dan Fogelberg, and it urges Travelers to Journey to the end of the light. I’ve included the lyrics to the song at the end of this post.

         The only way to LIVE is to LIVE together.  We must tell each other to LIVE.  The Spirit of life WITHIN us is the only thing that will keep us. We have to keep compelling one another to SING, to play, to speak, to move, to care, to do what you do and keep doing it- to the end of the light.  Sometimes we have to get in there and sing together, talk together, work together. Open your mouth to another LIVE human and tell them.  Let their LIVE breath breathe for you, like emotional life support.  You are NOT the only one.  There IS another human who is feeling : alone, not enough, fearful, hated, abandoned, overwhelmed, ashamed, despondent, tired, anxious, frustrated, hopeless…insert negative feeling.  

You’re also not the only one who has experienced what you’re experiencing.  It may seem accurate in your mind at the time, to consider  the thought, “No one has ever been in this situation…”. That is pure lies.  There is nothing that is not common to mankind. THIS very eventuality HAS HAPPENED to someone else.  It’s not just the overcast temperament that struggles with this. THINGS HAPPEN.  Bad things.

Today I got a troubling message from a mom friend whose son didn’t want the world to experience him live any longer. They were rushing him to the ER and called to see if my husband (an ER Doctor) was home or working, because they didn’t know what to do. This was after learning yesterday that my friend found a relative of his in a car filling with exhaust and had to pull him out. I know many  moms who are full of Grace and Optimism, and Love for their kids, who have in the past  – or are currently – taking them out of the home so they can get them the help they need. This is the hardest decision they’ve ever had to make. This is a fascinating time to be alive, but for some, it’s also a dismal time to be alive.  My friend’s son died of Neuroblastoma when he should have been going to 1st grade- while her marriage was simultaneously trying to fall apart.  Others have experienced waking up to find out that their years of marriage were all years of infidelity.  Parents have had to helplessly stand by and watch their babies on life support in the NICU while others observe their adult children (and not interfere) while they make STUpid @$$ decisions -and then witness everything crumble. 

Carrying heavy shit develops big muscles, so if you look closely you will recognize the bulging shoulders of others who have lifted loads the likes of yours. And when you do, ask them to tell their story, because it will bring healing to you both.  And if you have time, go listen to NEXUS, by Dan Fogelberg…lyrics are below.

Nexus, by Dan Fogelberg-

Across the vein of night

There cuts a path of searing light

Burning like a beacon

On the edges of our sight

At the point of total darkness

And the lights divine divide

A soul can let its shadow stretch

And land on either side —

Either side

And balanced on the precipice

The moment must reveal

Naked in the face of time

Our race within the wheel

As we hang beneath the heavens

And we hover over hell

Our hearts become the instruments

We learn to play so well

Wealthy the spirit 

That knows its own flight

Stealthy the hunter 

Who slays his own fright

Blessed the traveler 

Who journeys the length of the light

Outside the pull of gravity

Beyond the spectral veil

Within our careful reasoning

We search to no avail

For the constant in the chaos

For the fulcrum in the void

Following a destiny

Our steps cannot avoid

Across the vein of night

There cuts a path of searing light

Burning like a beacon

On the edges of our sight

At the point of total darkness

And the lights divine divide

A soul can let its shadow

Stretch and land on either side

Wealthy the spirit 

That knows its own flight

Stealthy the hunter 

Who slays his own fright

Blessed the traveler 

Who journeys the length of the light

In a spiral never-ending

Are we drawn towards the source

Spinning at the mercy 

Of an unrelenting force

So we stare into the emptiness

And fall beneath the weight

Circling the Nexus in a

Fevered dance with fate —

Wealthy the spirit 

That knows its own flight

Stealthy the hunter 

Who slays his own fright

Blessed the traveler 

Who journeys the length of the light

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